Connection Was Temporarily Reset... Do You Want To Reconnect ?...

Feeling momentarily disconnected from myself... It makes me feel so.. unconnected.. free... suspended... and I am suddenly brought back to "reality"... But it is this "coming back" that is interesting... for the blankness that comes before it is.. well.. blank.. and can't be felt.. or re-imagined.. or duplicated... except the next time it really happens... This "coming back"... I suddenly "remember" that I "am" this "person"... It's like.. suddenly remembering something I have to do.. which is to "enact" being "me"... Like it's something I promised someone that I would do.. An obligation.. That slipped from mind and now sends me scurrying back on the path as soon as it is remembered.. The interesting thing is.. I feel like I have to"be" me..."be" being SUCH a VERB here... And that, so, I am something other than "me" too... And another thing is the nagging feeling that I should "remember" all the details of my life, my past and upto my present situation where I drifted off from and carry it forward with full awareness of all that data ( some sort of memory refresh and reload..)... Not a nagging feeling... but a jolt.. and this is the thought that I think when I wake up from those ever so short "disconnections"...

I love that disconnection.. Love it. Deeply. I have, sort of, felt those before.. perhaps as just "disconnections". No.. Not that way.. That word never featured.. But those "thoughts" mentioned here weren't there... It was more of a Who/what/where am I ?"... "Whats all this ?... This present moment ?..." Or something like that.. A sort of "Is this serious ? Are you taking this seriously ? Oh, this is being alive ?" kind of feeling... Thats the closest it can get to words.

The disconnections these days are deeper.. Of course, to my liking... Why do I like them ?... Because they let me forget myself..

This was written years ago...