Supposed Sense Beneath Chaos

Hmm. There is nothing to say. Actually, there never is anything to say. But people keep saying things. All the time. And then suddenly one feels there is nothing to say. As if there really ever was anything to say at any point. There never is. But things seem one way or the other. And we proceed based on these seeming thoughts. Maybe sometimes we know that all this is bogus. But what else ? What else is there to do ? There is nothing to be done. There is nothing to be had. There is nothing in anything. There is nothing. But then there are thoughts. Thoughts. That never stop.

And it keeps me awake
My mind
Gives me no rest
Up and searching again
It has not forgotten
Time and again
Stirs up this unrest
Wish it wouldn't ask
Those questions
Again
Those for which I have no answer
But presently it will
I know

Something feels wrong here
One missing thing
One basic mistake
That's bringing everything down

My mind goes round and round
On the same tracks
Cutting deeper grooves
Slicing deeper

There it goes again
Hopeless
Senseless
These repetitive games
The same old thoughts
Time and again

Desperate to exit this orbit
If only to go spinning off into the unknown....

To cease this tugging at my insides
And break this wall of flesh and blood
And let the nothingness escape
Back to where it came from
Where it belongs

And all that one can do is watch
In those rare moments of numbed calm
And when one watches everything, watches Life
Its like standing with dropped head, eyes gazing straight ahead
Mind calm... oh so calm...
At the edge of a great desert
The breeze blows the dust into swirls
And breathes through your hair
A gentle whiff
The flat dry expanse ahead

Is neutrality really negative ?
Why should emptiness ache ?
Peace isn't essentially pleasant

Question the fundamentals
It removes the ground from beneath your feet
That beautiful floating feeling

And then there is only One
One
Everything boils down to this One
One point
One exact infinite continuous blob of precision
Nothing else matters
Nothing at all matters

How could I ever lose this ?
How could I ever move away from this ?
But I do
I keep doing

Getting lost within getting lost...